


Forever

by Herlovestoryx



Series: Family [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I am MX trash, Multi, OC, Unrequited Love, implied rape, perceived one sided love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6642370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herlovestoryx/pseuds/Herlovestoryx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'It was those little moments, small touches and quick glances, that made him feel whole.'</p><p> </p><p>In which Monsta X learn to love their maknae, and I.M learns to accept himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey  
> So...  
> in technical sense this story was suppose to be a fluffy, tooth decaying one shot about the mini touches and the cuddling sessions that MX are normally seen doing.  
> BUT then...i started thinking of NO.MERCY, and the way the members treated little Changkyun and well...  
> This mess happened.  
> Hope you enjoy!

 

It was those little moments, small touches and quick glances, that made him feel whole.

 

 

..

 

It all starts a little after NO.MERCY, but a little before their actual debut.

 

All seven of them are exhausted; deep bags under their eyes. skins' pale with no trace of make up on. They scatter around their new living room; eye's wide with weary anticipation, as half of them are excited, the other half too nervous to be so.

 

None of them touch. Or even stand close enough to share any breathing space. It's almost like all of them are in their own personal bubble, and are unwilling to let  the rest of them share it. Changkyun wonders vaguely, how they will ever make it as a group.

 

The youngest gives a quick glance around the room, before dropping his gaze entirely once he notices Jooheon eyes permanently on him- a small scowl set on his face.

 

Changkyun feels cold.

 

He knows that Jooheon resents him, at least a tiny bit. He knows that Jooheon, heck all of them, blame him for the reason why Gunhee didn't debut. It was suppose to be #GUN and Jooheon- the dream team. The best friends who would take over the world. So why were they stuck with measly little Changkyun? The guy who came into the competition so fucking late,  who didn't even know what all of them went through, who didn't -

 

"Maknae. Are you ok?" Hoseok says, a hint of worry attached  to his face. The remaining five look at the Changkyun too; faces softening to something akin to concern.  The youngest misses the expressions on his hyungs faces, all in favour to observe the floor.

 

"Y-yeah" he eventually shutters out, still intent on not looking at any of their faces. Before anyone could continue speaking, their manager comes out from one of the rooms and starts assigning  them to different bedrooms. Changkyun feels his stomach  drop, once he hears that he'll be sharing a room with Jooheon and Minhyuk; one of which hates him, and the other unwilling to speak to him.

 

He contemplates running away- finding some place sacred and hide there till everything blows over, before he shakes his head and scowls a little at himself. He's 19, almost 20, not 5. He can face his problems head on. He's no longer that scared 14 year old, hiding in a foreign bathroom floor. He can do this.

 If he could survive the shit that went down in Boston, he could survive any shit his members throw at him.

 He walks towards his new bedroom, suitcase trailing obediently after him, he feels his hyungs gazes, following his every move. He resists the urge to blush.

 

...

 

It's the middle of the night when he wakes up. 2 am to be exact, and Changkyun sighs heavily, flopping down back onto the bed. He runs his hands over his hair, and sighs once more, laughing quietly at the situation he's in.  He wipes his face, attempting to erase the  tears that were still running freely down his cheeks.

 

It's been a while since he woke up from a nightmare.

 

_'5 months in fact'_ , he thinks, as he stares at the ceiling. knowing full well that he won't be able to sleep now, he quickly climbs down from his bunk, hoping that he didn't wake Minhyuk or Jooheon with his movements. He fails to see the empty bed, underneath his own.

 

He trudges towards the kitchen, opens the fridge, and takes a huge gulp of orange juice. He's about to put the carton back into the fridge, when he hears a noise from behind him. The noise startles him, making him drop the juice onto the hard floor.

 

"Shit" Changkyun mutters in English, "Fuck" he mutters again, in Korean.

"Maknae?" Minhyuk says, drowsiness clear in his tone. Changkyun turns around, slowly, facing his (recently) blonde hyung. He swallows.

"Hey hyung" He greets, fake cheeriness poorly conceiving his nervousness.

"Why are you awake?" Minhyuk says, ignoring the greeting. He's frowning at him, eyebrows raised high as he takes in the maknae's appearance. Changkyun feels like he's being assessed.

"I could ask you the same, hyung" Changkyun replies back.

 Minhyuk scowls a little at the reply. His scowl deepens once he notices something, stepping closer to the baby of the group until he's close enough to feel I.M's body heat.

Changkyun swallows again, stepping back a little.

"Hyung?" he asks. Minhyuk continues frowning.

 

It takes a while before Minhyuk speaks again.

 

"You were crying." It's a statement.

Changkyun's eyes widen, "Wh-what?"

Minhyuk sighs, his expression a mix of annoyance and concern. "Why were you crying Changkyunie?"

 

Changkyun decides to fake ignorance, "I don't know what you're talking about hyung. i think you need to go back to bed. actually we both do, don't we have rehearsal later? So..."

 Something seems to break in Minhyuk's brown eyes, while Changkyun was speaking. The blonde lets out a bitter laugh, before gathering the smaller one into his arms.

Changkyun stands awkwardly, arms by his side as his hyung continues to cuddle him.

"Er Minhyuk hyung?" he asks.

"I'm sorry" Minhyuk replies, voice wavering, "Shit, Changkyunie. I'm so sorry."

Changkyun nods stiffly. he places his head on the older one's shoulder, before slowly returning the hug.  

 "It's not your fault hyung."

"It wasn't yours either, maknae. None of us should have treated you the way we treated you when you joined.  You came at the wrong time, sure, but we should have at least been a little nicer. We shouldn't have made you an outcast. Even now-"

"You guys were upset. It's okay hyung i get it."

"Just because you understand, Changkyunie, doesn't mean that what we did was right."

Changkyun sighs. "Do you guys hate me?" he asks timidly. he feels Minhyuk stiffen in his arms, and braces himself for the inevitable.

"No" Minhyuk says after a while, surprising the maknae, "I don't think so. Hyunwoo hyung, Hoseok hyung and Kihyun don't really know what to say to you i think. We weren't nice to you when you joined and now...it's a little to late for us to take back some words. Hyungwonnie as well. As for Jooheon...I think he needs time."

"He hates me doesn't he?"

"More like he's upset that his best friend wasn't chosen alongside him."

"Will he ever- "

"Get over it? I don't know. Maybe. Hopefully."

 

They stay quiet for a while; cuddling at 2 whatever the fuck am, with orange juice slowly drying under their feet.

 

"You're actually wise hyung" Changkyun muses, "I thought you were just a bubbly airhead."

"Oi" Minhyuk says, mock scowling, "I'm not an airhead"

Changkyun chuckles a little, "Sure hyung. Sure."

Minhyuk snorts at the sass, before slowly pulling back from the embrace. He kisses Changkyun's forehead, laughing at the blush that immediately appears on the youngest face. "Ahh~ you're so cute Changkyunie" he teases.

Changkyun frowns. He pushes his hyung away from him, chuckling when Minhyuk trips. "Come on hyung. Help me clean up."

"Ok. let's find a mop then." the elder states, already walking towards the storage cupboard, "Oh and Changkyun?"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to tell me why you were crying. Just...if you ever cry again. I'm always here. We all are; come to us for comfort ok?"

Changkyun nods silently. He whispers an "ok" to Minhyuk's back, therefore not seeing the tiny smile thatched to the 3rd oldest face.

 

After they both finish cleaning up, and go back to their bedroom, Changkyun lies on his bed, once again observing the dark ceiling. He feels warm- has been feeling warmer since him and Minhyuk talked a little while ago. There's a tiny bit of happiness that's settle within him causing him to smile slightly. he feels like he's been accepted a tiny bit, and that eases something within him. Makes him want to crawl under a rock a little less.

He whispers a 'Thank you', knowing that neither Jooheon or Minhyuk would hear. both to far gone into dreamland.

Changkyun falls asleep with the same smile on his face.

 

...

 

A few months later and Changkyun still hasn't had more than a couple of sentences with the rest of the team.

 

They're about to debut, a week or so from now, and all of them have been so busy with promotions and photo shoots; they don't really have the time to sit down and talk about their feelings or whatever. ' _plus'_ , Changkyun thinks, ' _it's not really any of their styles'._

 Still. Ever since their talk, Minhyuk has been spoiling him with attention. It would be nice, or at least better, if whenever Minhyuk teased him or ruffled his hair, Hyunwoo and Kihyun wouldn't glare at him in the background.

 Nevertheless, pretty much everything was the same. And the crushing weight of sadness still plagued Changkyun- only easing whenever Minhyuk forces him to smile.

 

...

 

They're at the recording studio.

By 'they', he means him, Jooheon, Hoseok and Hyunwoo.  

 Their long awaited debut is in 4 days, and Changkyun's not going to lie to himself- he's genuinely excited. A childish giddiness settles low in his stomach, and he has to stop himself from smiling a good couple of times.

 He's sitting on the couch, a little isolated from the others. Hyunwoo's recording his lines once again, attempting to make the song perfect. Jooheon's is ignoring his ass while they're here, so Changkyun decides to ignore him too.

 Hoseok, however, keeps staring at him. really intensely too. Changkyun's not sure why though, doesn't recall doing anything to piss his hyung off (Unless he's annoyed about Minhyuk hugging him and screaming 'I love you, Changkyunieee' before they left this morning. in which, unfair. It's not his fault that Minhyuk's a affectionate octopus).

 Either way, the stares are making him (extremely) uneasy. He feels like crawling out of his skin and hiding underneath the couch, or just disappearing entirely.

 

The stares, Hoseok keeps emitting however,  remind him a little of-

Nope.

_'Bad Changkyun'_ , the maknae thinks. He drops his gaze from the table to the floor; tears threatening to fall from his eyes. _'You promised yourself, you idiot. You're not going to think about_ _Boston_ _or him again.'_

From his spot across the room, Wonho frowns.

 He's been observing the maknae for awhile now; noticing the small frowns that appear when he thinks no ones looking. Or the whimpers that he utters in the night.

 

(I.M doesn't know this, but he has the world's most easily awoken sleeper as a dorm mate. Luckily for the youngest, he also has two of the most hardest-to-wake-can-sleep-through-an-earthquake, sleepers for room mates)

 

He knows that something's wrong with Changkyun. Hoseok not dumb. Nor is he oblivious as some of his members. There's something the youngest is not telling them. something important.

He has an inkling that Minhyuk knows. Or at least knows that their youngest is hurting. Honestly, Hoseok is a little grateful that the blonde is on the team; whenever Changkyun looked a tiny bit uneasy, the blonde would rush to his side and drown him with hugs and 'i love you's, till the maknae is smiling genuinely.  He makes Changkyun a little happier, and though slightly envious that Minhyuk has managed to burn his bridge that all of them set between them and I.M, Hoseok feels happy, knowing that I.M has at least one member to go to.

 

However. Minhyuk's currently not here. And Changkyun looks like he wants to die.

 

Hoseok takes a deep breathe before standing up. "Maknae. Come with me."

Changkyun looks up at him in confusion. "Why Hyung?"

"No questions, Changkyunie. Just come"

I.M sighs, before standing up also and following his hyung.

 

Wonho leads them to an empty restroom. He locks the door, before leaning on it. Changkyun looks at him expectantly.

"Hyung?"

"I know you've been crying at night." Wonho replies.

Changkyun stiffens. He feels his heart stop momentarily.

"Er, how?"

"Light sleeper. Don't worry Changkyunie. You don't have to tell me why right now."

Changkyun sighs in relief "So-"

"That doesn't let you off the hook."

Changkyun pales.

Hoseok continues chuckling a little, "You're so cute Changkyuniee" he teases, "But...you can't keep everything to yourself. Once you were selected, we became a team. you need to trust us, and trust that we'll help you. come to us ok?"

"But how can I come to any of you, if you all hate me?" Changkyun whispers, eyes downcast, "Except for Minhyukie hyung, no one here cares about what I do or how I feel. I appreciate the fake sympathy but you don't have to pretend hyung. I'm ok. Or I will be. Don't worry, this won't interfere with Monsta X's debut I prom-"

 Warmth envelopes him, cutting off his sentence and leaving him dumbfounded. The maknae stares owlishly at the door right in front of him, before shifting his gaze to the man clinging to him, in reminiscence of a bear.

A deep blush settles onto Changkyun's face.

Wonho laughs at his blush; tightening his arms around Changkyun's waist.

"I can see why Minhyuk always hugs you," The elder continues to chuckle, " You're really cute. Like puppy cute."

"Eh...?"

"You're an idiot, maknae. Of course we care about you; don't think I'm the only one who notices when you look like you're about to cry. Just because we don't say anything doesn't mean we hate you"

"But...No.Mercy...?"

Wonho sighs, "To be honest...I regret the way I treated you. You didn't deserver that Changkyunie. I- well we- were being really unfair. But it's done now. All I can do is ask for forgiveness."

Changkyun nods stiffly in response. Not knowing what else to say, the youngest returns the (random) hug also; burying his head in Wonho's chest. Wonho laughs.

"Ok. I take back what I said. You're not as cute as a puppy. You ARE a puppy"

"Not funny hyung" Changkyun mutters back, tone irate.

"It wasn't a joke maknae. or should I call you Kkukkungi?"

"I'm not a dog"

"Well you sure act like one"

"Shut the fuck up. Hyung"

"Make me brat"

They continue like this for a while; exchanging insults as fast as lovers exchange spit. Jooheon calls for them eventually, yelling something about coke and ramen and the two (reluctantly) pull away from each other. They share smiles as they leave the restroom, both of them feeling lighter.

Hoseok ruffles Changkyun's hair as they exit, and Changkyun feels a little less broken. He feels warm, less cold and a bit more fixed. 

...

The feeling doesn't last long though. 

Changkyun still wakes up at whatever the fuck am, with tears streaming down his face, breathing hard and shallow from his dream (Or memory). He can still recall   ** _his_** breath on his face,  ** _his_** tongue in his mouth,  ** _his_** dick in his-

"I.M?" Someone whispers.

Changkyun screams. 


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunwoo frowns slightly at the blonde, " We do care. It's just that it's..."  
> "Awkward?" Minhyuk tuts raising an eyebrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monsta X's comeback is killing me. Slowly. 
> 
> It makes it worse that when they do comeback I'll be writing exams. Urg.
> 
> Anyways here it is the next chapter.
> 
> To avoid any confusion if you see any words which is written in BOTH italics and Bold, this is a person (if that makes sense)  
> (Comment if it doesn't and I'll try to change it without adding on an OC tag)  
> Enjoy~

There are several things Changkyun would rather be doing right now.

Eating, dancing, writing lyrics for starters.  

Instead the 20 year old is stuck sitting on a lumpy as fuck couch, at 4:42 am , while 7 pairs of eyes stare at him intensely.

"Well?" His manager asks, annoyance clear in his voice.

"This couch is really uncomfortable" Changkyun answers back, "We really need to get a new one."

"If this is going to be a daily occurrence, Changkyunie then sure. We'll get a new couch " Hyungwon states, sarcasm vaguely evident in his tone.

Changkyun sighs "Don't need to be sarcastic hyung"

"I  think Hyungwon shi can be whatever he wants to be when certain members of his group wake him up at 4am, screaming" his manager says.

Changkyun looks at the ground. "Sorry"

"What's done is done Changkyun shi, but are you going to tell us why you screaming in the first place?" his manager continues, eye brows raised.

For a while Changkyun doesn't say anything. "Jooheon hyung startled me" he states eventually.

6 pair of eyes swivel towards the red head. "Jooheon." Their manager says evenly, "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" Jooheon exclaims, "He sounded like he was crying so..."

" So you decided to make him scream?" Hyunwoo voices, confused.

"No! All I did was say his name! I didn't know he would scream."

"I wasn't crying hyung" Changkyun says, looking up at him, "Maybe you were hearing things." 

There was a look in Changkyun eyes that made Jooheon pause. He couldn't make out what the emotion in the brown orbs meant, but there was something, something dark and sad, that twisted in the maknae's eyes stopping Jooheon from calling bullshit. 

"Yeah" Jooheon mutters, " I probably was. Sorry"

Changkyun lets out a sigh of relief. Minhyuk and Hoseok frown.

Their manager exhales slowly "Ok, now that's done...Jooheon shi try not to startle your members in the middle of the night and Changkyun try not to scream in the middle of the night. Or at all.  I'm going back to sleep. Remember to be up by 8,  and be ready to leave for practice by 10. Goodnight" Their manager then precedes to leave, muttering under his breath about 'troublesome rookie groups'.

As soon as the soft _click_ of a door closing is heard, Minhyuk springs on Changkyun, hugging the maknae close in a Kola-like fashion.  Changkyun winces.

"Hyung" he mummers, "Get off of me."

"No." Minhyuk replies back childishly, "Make me maknae."

"Hyung" Changkyun tries again, visibly shaking his body in order to get the elder to stop cuddling him; there was only so much glares he could take from Kihyun.

Ignoring the mini squabble, Hyungwon sniffs. "Well?"

Changkyun looks up at him, pausing in his attempt to be free from Minhyuk's grasp, "Well what?"

"Want to tell us why you were crying?" Hyungwon states, pointedly looking at the youngest.

Minhyuk feels Changkyun stiffen. The blonde finds Hoseok's eyes, and the two share a look that is completely missed by all except Jooheon. Jooheon scowls.

"I wasn't crying Hyungwon hyung. Jooheon hyung was hearing things. I thought we established this." Changkyun says.

"Bullshit."

"Hyungwon yah!" Hyunwoo says in exasperation, "Don't cuss-"

"I hear you crying at night Changkyun. You're not exactly quiet. So. Tell me why." Hyungwon continues, ignoring Hyunwoo's anguish.

"I don't know what you're talking about, hyung. Maybe you're tired, in which let's all get back to sleep" Changkyun says stiffly.

"Oh really?" Hyungwon says, raising a brow, "So you're telling me that-"

"Hyungwon. Stop." Hyunwoo says, authority clear in his tone "It's not your place to be forcing Changkyun to be tell you anything."

"But hyung-"

"No buts, Hyungwonnie" Hoseok pipes up, "Leave the maknae alone. If he wants to tell you, he will. Don't force him"

Hyungwon frowns at the elder. "You know" He states looking at Hoseok. 

Hoseok shrugs, "I know as much as you do, Hyungwon-ah"

"Which is?"

"Nothing."

Hyungwon rolled his eyes, " Clearly you know something hyung. I'm not blind. You and Minhyukie have been coddling the maknae's ass for weeks now. Why can't you tell us?"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here" Changkyun sniffs, removing himself from Minhyuk's embrace and standing up. "At least wait till I leave."

He heads towards his shared bedroom; avoiding everyone's eyes and fighting down the blush of embarrassment he felt growing on his cheeks.

Changkyun can hear someone calling for him as he nears his room; desperation clinging to their voice like a cold sore. "Changkyun-" 

 

The bedroom door slamming shut is his response.

 

Minhyuk glares at the rest of them afterwards (however his glares resemble more of a pout, which looses the meaning behind it) , while Hoseok sighs deeply before slumping down onto the hard floor.

"You guys made him retrieve to his shell again! Do you know how hard it was to get him to open up?"  Minhyuk accuses, pout intensifying.

Kihyun wrinkles his nose an crosses his arms, "He just closed the door Minhyukie. Don't be so dramatic"

"It's not that" Hoseok says, " It took us months to get him to just say something. Just to mention why he can never get decent rest or why he sometimes wakes up with puffy eyes. It took me and Minhyuk months to get  him to just tell us why he doesn't like the nickname _Chan_. And you guys just..."

"Just...?" Jooheon prods.

"Just...I don't know. Ruined it I guess? It's not like he's never going to say anything to us again, but it may take him longer to speak to us about his problems"

Hyungwon clicks his tongue and glares down at Hoseok. "So I was right. You do know something."

Hoseok returns his gaze " But that _something_ isn't our secret to say. We don't even know the half of it."

Hyungwon scowls, starts to retort but Hyunwoo stops him. "I think what Hyungwon is trying to get at is that you guys knew. And you didn't give us any indication that you did know. You both left us in the dark."

"You guys never asked." Minhyuk replies, coolly staring at the leader, " Why would we tell you something about the maknae if you didn't care?"

Hyunwoo frowns slightly at the blonde, " We do care. It's just that it's..."

"Awkward?"  Minhyuk tuts raising an eyebrow.

The remaining members minus Hoseok nod, eyes down casting to the ground.

Hoseok smiles softly, "So talk to him. He doesn't bite guys. He's actually pretty cute and really puppy like. What happened in NO. Mercy, is done. We need to move on. We need to be a team."

"And the first step to that" Minhyuk continues smiling at the others, "Is to apologise."

...

Boston isn't something Changkyun likes to willingly think about.

He kinda shoves down all thoughts around it. Ignores questions about how it's like or if the people there are nice.

It's not like he hates Boston in it's entirety. Changkyun actually likes the city- likes how pretty Boston looks at night. Likes the food on the streets he would get on his way back home from school.  Likes the weather, just likes how similar in terms of his feelings, yet different it is in comparison to Korea.  Likes that in all the places he has moved to because of his father's job, he has another place that he could call home for a short period of time.

What he doesn't like is what happened 2 years and 6 months of him living there.

And that was because of **_him_.**

**_Him_** , was Changkyun's best friend. His brother in a sense. They met when Changkyun was 12 years old; fresh from South Korea and barely able to say more than " _hello_ " in English.  They were just classmate's at first; Changkyun's shy by nature - too used to moving just as quickly as he comes to be able to gain the confidence to make friends. **_Him_** was a little shy too and seemed comfortable in his friendship group to try and reach out to Changkyun.

But one day, in a random free time they had, **_Him_** spots Changkyun reading a marvel comic; runs up to the shy Korean and talks non stop about his favourite superheroes and how _"nice it was to finally have someone who likes comics as well."_

Changkyun agrees. And they become fast friends. Months later **_Him_ ** says to Changkyun on their way home from school that Changkyun was his "Best friend."

And for those 2 and a half years, Changkyun believed **_him._**

Until he did not.

And Changkyun was left alone in a bathroom he didn't recognise, with tears falling hard and fast down his face, with the memory of **_him_** kissing himself everywhere  and a stinging ripped butt that he was pretty sure was bleeding.

But more importantly Changkyun was left alone with the words _"You made me do this Chan."_ that was whispered to him in a sad, desperate tone that conveyed that his best friend was crying. _"Why couldn't you just love me back?"_

That was the last time his so called best friend ever talked to him. Changkyun was okay with that after what **_he_** did to him. Just because Changkyun couldn't return **_his_** feelings, didn't give **_him_** the power to push Changkyun down and have his way with him.

6 months after the incident, Changkyun's mother tells him that they're moving back to South Korea. Changkyun was glad.

However moving did not stop the nightmares he got- the repetitive dream of what happened on that day that made he lose trust on pretty much everybody.

so he pushes it down. Pushes down his sadness and anger and the tiny bit of resentment that he has for himself for being so weak into allowing it to happen.

And for a while it works. But then NO. Mercy occurred, and he was selected, and then thrust into a group that had members that acted a little like **_him_** , but not,  and he was faced with the reality that he would _never_ **not** remember his past.

It was a little sucky.

Eventually, after months of "You can trust us"  From both Minhyuk and Hoseok, Changkyun tells them. Not much, but enough to get them a gist of the idea.  They coddle him a lot after that; made sure he was never alone for a long period of time and always showered him with brotherly affection. It was nice, and Changkyun started to genuinely trust them. However he wasn't planning on ever telling the rest of the members what he told Minhyuk and Hoseok.

But he doesn't really have that much control over his present now does he?

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again :)  
> Thanks for the Kudos! and also THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS; they genuinely make me smile and feel giddy and all kinds of sappy. Thank you. 
> 
> In light of this there was a comment on the parings that i tagged being romantic? in which well...yeah and no. Some are, some are not but heavily implied to be, some are one sided kinda ish.  
> If it helps... I am a massive Showhyuk shipper but...I also like making Shownu suffer cause he's too damn adorable (yeah i hate myself too)  
> You can probably guess by next the next chapter on who's actually a paring and who's going to be in some weird love triangle thingy.  
> Hope you liked this mess. Oh and also
> 
> HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MONSTA X~ You adorable dorks. #1yearwithMonstaX


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the ceiling however, on one of their many, many fan-meets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be studying. I should be trying to get decent grades so I can go to year 13 (grade 12 I think for other countries). I shouldn't be writing when I have a freaking literature exam tomorrow (but alas I am here and I will fail).
> 
> In better news, I finally decided on how many chapters this fic will have :)  
> Enjoy~

...

 

"We're going to talk"

"Wait-Hyung?!" Changkyun says as Kihyun drags him away from his conversation with Minhyuk. Said blonde watches them leave the practice room with a fond smile and a shake of his head.  "Don't scare him, Ki!"

 Changkyun sees Kihyun freeze at the nickname; can feel Kihyun's pulse quicken ever so slightly, against his wrist. For a spilt second Changkyun can feel fingers grasp tightly around his hand; but that seconds gone too quickly- and Kihyun weakens his hold on Changkyun's arm and resuming his power walk  out of the practice room with Changkyun in toll and a call over his shoulder "Will do Minmin!"

"Minmin?" Changkyun whispers, but Kihyun pretends not to hear him. However the pink tint that settles high on the slightly shorter man's cheeks, tells Changkyun all he needs to know.  Something has changed.

 Kihyun leads them to an empty closet like room. He shoves Changkyun inside the tiny space before getting in himself. He locks the door from the inside out and switches on the dim lights. Changkyun raises his eyebrows.

"Are we going to play 7 minutes in heaven?" the maknae asks, in perfect pronounced English.

"What?" Kihyun wrinkles his nose, "Actually I don't want to know what you said maknae."

"Suit yourself...but why are we here hyung?"

Kihyun goes silent; the older male stares at the patterns on the floor as Changkyun gets increasingly uncomfortable.

"Hyung?"

Kihyun doesn't look up, while he speaks, "I'm sorry."

"Pardon?"

There's a sigh, "I said I'm sorry Changkyun-ah. For the way I treated you in NO.MERCY. For the fact that I ignore you now despise the fact I knew you were hurting. Maknae...I'm just...really sorry"

Changkyun bites the insides of his cheeks. "Is this because of last night hyung?" he eventually mumbles out, gaze shifting towards the ground too.

"Yeah" Kihyun says just as awkwardly.

 

They both don't really know what to say; so many unanswered questions and answers switches in the air between them. But nothing else is voiced.

Changkyun looks up and meets his hyung's gaze. They both give small smiles and Changkyun realises that maybe this could be it; nothing else needs to be said.

 

Kihyun pulls the younger into a quick hug, before re opening the door. He quirks an eyebrow. "Coming?" and the question sounds like a plea.

Changkyun smiles again albeit a little more brighter. "Yes hyung"

And Changkyun's response conveys forgiveness .

 ...

As soon as they're back in the practice room, Minhyuk leaps in front of them. Both Kihyun and Changkyun laugh at the blonde's energy. Changkyun thinks that if they stare hard enough, they can almost see a tail waggling in happiness behind Minhyuk.

"So?" Minhyuk asks, practically vibrating.

Kihyun rolls his eyes at him, but smiles slightly "So what?"

"Did you two...?"

Instead of answering the question, Kihyun decides to pinch the blondes' cheeks and coo. "You're so cute Minhyukie "

Minhyuk frowns down at Kihyun, "That doesn't answer the question Ki!" he wails.

 

Changkyun stands back and observes the two. Nothing really seems any different. But after a while of teasing, Minhyuk's blush hasn't left his face yet and Kihyun's fingers are still lingering on Minhyuk's body. The air sparkles between them, with small bursts of intensity and love.

 Changkyun turns his gaze away from the cute although couple-y scene. His eyes shift towards their leader, who's pointedly not looking at any of them.

Huh.

 

Interesting.

...

 Things start to slowly, slowly settle down. The tension that seemed to plague the group for months, leaving them all on some weird edge, suddenly desperate.

 Changkyun's not really sure on why though. It's not like any of them have done anything dramatic, or big enough to take down the elephant in the cramped dorm room, but there's some ease to all of them now; a sort of ease that leaves Changkyun in an ill of sweetness. Something's changed, and it's not just Kihyun and Minhyuk's relationship.

 He can't really pinpoint the exact day everything shifted either. It was all of a sudden honestly, but he's pretty sure everyone's attitudes (at least towards him) switched after the night he was caught by Jooheon, screaming.  Changkyun is not really sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

But the affection  that he gets from all his hyungs now,  is definitely good (However Changkyun would die than ever admit this).

 It was those soft moments that unwinds him; makes him feel complete.  Hugs and small amounts of teasing, that makes Changkyun feel whole- makes him feel like he finally belongs in the group.

Makes him feel loved, despite the scars that still haunt him; the scars that he still hates. The scars that make him, want to hate himself too.

 

(He still wakes up crying at night. But he's been careful. Tries to keep his voice down, when all he wants to do is yell out his past pain. Jooheon and Minhyuk haven't heard him yet).

 

Changkyun doesn't want them to worry; there's a sense of trust and protectiveness that wasn't there at the beginning of Monsta x. Changkyun's not really keen on being the one that breaks the layer of sweetness that clings to the rest of them.

 (He thinks he's starting to love them. Just as much as he use to love **_him_**. There's a brotherly bond between the seven of them, that makes Changkyun swell in happiness.

 

He doesn't want any of it to break.) 

...

Shit hits the ceiling however, on one of their many, many fan-meets.

 Clear, bright jade eyes stare back at Changkyun. Changkyun stutters, but the boy with the green eyes gives no indication of moving any time soon, and continues gazing at Changkyun like he's seen a ghost. In a way, Changkyun thinks, he supposes he has. 

"Chan-"

"Don't call me that." Changkyun mutters hastily in English, a fake smile adoring his lips, "You lost the right to call me that years ago."

Green eyed boy swallows, before continuing, "Chan-Changkyun. I." he pauses, and looks to the table that sits in between them. Changkyun's glad that he's seated last in this event- the others can't really hear the conversation (By others he means Hoseok and Minhyuk. They're the only ones who know bits and pieces about Boston and _**him**_ )

Changkyun sighs a little, fake smile getting wider when the fan who's talking to Hyungwon, glances at him in concern. "Hurry up please and say whatever you want to say. You're holding up the queue." Changkyun mumbles, again in English. 

His ex friend is the one that sighs this time in frustration, biting his lips afterwards (Changkyun hates that he still knows his annoyed sigh; hates that he still remembers tiny details from his attacker-his best friend- _his fucking brother_ ) 

"You're-you're mum told me. That you were here. In Korea doing kpop." _**Him**_ says, in perfect Korean.

"You and my mum talked?" Changkyun states blandly, "Wait-you know Korean?" 

"Yeah-eh. I wanted to see you again. To apologise. I took it that she doesn't know about...what happened, cause she told me where you were easily."

"Of course she doesn't know. No one in my family knows about what _you_ did to me."

His attacker swallows hard, tears creeping up in his doe green eyes, but he powers through, "Yeah. And I learned it.Korean I mean.  Because of you."

Changkyun shakes his head, "No. We're not doing this. Not now or ever. You ruined me. You don't get to fuck me up again; you don't get a second chance to be my best friend again. So take you're pretty words and shove them up your-"

"Oppa?" The girl who was previously talking to Hyungwon says. She's standing closer to his side of the table now, looking expectantly at Changkyun. ' _If there ever was an angel on earth'_  Changkyun thinks, _'it would be her'_. 

"We're done" Changkyun whispers softly, as his once best friend starts to leave, taking his signed copy of _Rush_ with him. The green eyed boy nods stiffly and leaves; exiting Changkun's life again. Changkyun watches him go.

"Oppa?" the girl questions, pretty brown hair fluttering as she tilts her head, "Are you ok?"

Changkyun nods when he looks back her, giving her a small smile, "Yeah. I will be."

She doesn't comment.

...

Hyungwon rounds on him as soon as they enter the dorm, dragging the maknae to his bedroom (which was luckily empty).

"Who was he?" Hyungwon asks, in a not-taking-anything-but-the-truth-for-an-answer tone. 

Changkyun gulps, "No one."

"Really" Hyungwon states,  sarcasm dripping from his voice like honey, "So you talk to every fan like that then? And every fan of ours also knows your mother?"

"Hyung" Changkyun mumbles.

Hyungwon sighs heavily, before gathering the maknae into his arms, and burrowing his head into the younger's soft hair. "I know you don't trust me Changkyun-ah" He mutters, "I'm not stupid; I know you're not really keen on telling anyone about what happened to you in Boston other then Minhyuk and Hoseok hyung"

"How did you know that it happened in Boston?" Changkyun says in alert.

Hyungwon pulls away little, to give Changkyun a scrutinising look, "You guys were speaking in English for half the conversation. It's not really that much of a stretch"

"Oh."

Hyungwon's hold on him tightens, "AS I was saying...I know you don't trust me but Changkyunie...I would really like to help you. Please let me."

"Why?" Changkyun questions, "Why should I? What can you possibly to do to help me hyung? what makes you so damn speci-"

"I can take care of you." Hyungwon whipsers cutting the younger one off, "I can be your comfort. And you don't have to tell me why you're crying either; just let me take care of you."

Hyungwon's voice has some weird voodoo power over him it seems; it turns Changkyun into goo, on his good days. It smothers him completely on Changkyun's bad ones.

Today was a bad day.

Changkyun completely melts in Hyungwon's arms, sobs that he's held back ever since he saw _**him**_ , in the fan meeting today. Cries that he's held back ever since _it even happened._

Hyungwon continues to hold him; never letting go even when the other members come into the room-well into the night. He continues to hold Changkyun like he's precious- a gift or something, whispering sweet nothings into the maknaes ear- melting Chankyun's brain even more.  

 

A sense of peace within himself, albeit tiny, settles days after this. And Chae Hyungwon is to blame for it.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this doesn't need to be something Changkyun regrets at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter honestly took a lot from me.  
> I had a major case of writers block, despite the fact that I knew what I wanted to be in this chapter in order for me to write the last one (which is the next chapter) but nothing I originally wrote fit. I can't even tell you guys how many times I rewrote the beginning of this chapter.
> 
> But then at a ditch of inspiration, I read some comments on this fic and saw the amount of kudos (OMG IT'S OVER 160! WTF THAAAANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!) and that really motivated me to keep writing till the end.  
> So what I'm technically saying is that this chapter is dedicated to all of you~ to everyone who supports this mess of a fan fiction. Thank you. I love you all so much. (sorry if it comes out crappy) 
> 
> Anyways here is the next chapter :P  
> Enjoy~

 

...

 

When Changkyun looks back on his life, there are many things that he still regrets.

 

It's understandable really; he's 20 years old-half of his life so far has been spent in puberty and a deep hatred for a particular **_someone._** He has never made rational decisions during his teenage years and ever since Boston, he has never tried to get a close or if any a bond with anyone around him. He wasn't going to take the chance just so he could be hurt all over again.

 

But making the decision to debut, without really asking why or even how- finding and losing people, and loving his members- maybe _this_ doesn't need to be something Changkyun regrets at all.

 

...

 

There are some days where all Changkyun wants to do is sleep (despite the nightmares).

It's normally when they have to much things to do- practice, fan-meets, interviews, a variety show and then more practice all rolled up into 2 days of nothing but energy drinks and 4 hours of blissful sleep maximum.

 

The last 2 days of busy schedules has taken a toll on Changkyun; he's barley awake during an interview they had to do earlier on- eyes barely open to answer any questions. He's somewhat passes out by the time they  get in the car home- drooling all over the window still as Hoseok uses him as a pillow. By the time they all stumble their way inside their dorm, Changkyun is way passed exhausted, and is entering towards dead. He collapses onto the couch, head first, and falls into a dreamless sleep almost instantly.

 

When Changkyun wakes up next, it was to a soft chest and a mountain of recently dyed black hair.

 

Changkyun shifts a little, only for the owner of said black hair, to tighten his arms around Changkyun's waist and pull the maknae closer to his body.

A frown paints the maknae's lips.

"Hyung"  he mutters, sitting up a little in order to disentangle the limbs around him, "Let go"

"I don't think that's wise Changkyunie" Kihyun says brightly, bypassing the snuggling pair on his way to the kitchen,  looking well rested. Changkyun wonders briefly what time it is and how long has he been sleeping.

" You know how Hyungwonnie gets when you disturb his "beauty sleep"; He'll hit you."

Changkyun scowls "But he won't let me go hyung."

Kihyun pauses in his walking, and stares at the youngest; eyes show casting fondness. He then smirks, ruffles Changkyun's hair, and then proceeds to leave the 20 year old helpless in Hyungwon's grasps, with nothing but a "not my problem maknae~" in his wake.

Changkyun's scowl deepens, his mind conjuring revenge tactics on the shortest member of their team.

 

Minhyuk comes out of his bedroom five minutes later, yawning and shirtless. He gives a questioning look to Changkyun, who's still trying to escape Hyungwon's clutches. "Eh" Minhyuk coughs, and Changkyun looks up at the blond in desperation.

" Is there something you want to tell me, Changkyunie?" Minhyuk continues, standing behind the couch.

"Hyungwon hyung wont let go."

"Wow. This is a really shit version of titanic"

"Hyung" Changkyun moans, "Help me don't tease me.  He's even worse than when you try to suffocate me. Please Minhyukie hyung. I really need to piss"

"I'm failing to see how this is my problem"

"Hyung" Changkyun tries again.

"Bye maknae" Minhyuk sings songs, heading towards the bathroom.

"I'll bully your boyfriend!"

"Please. Like you could bully me Changkyun" Kihyun calls from the kitchen.

Minhyuk smiles in the direction of the kitchen, soft and sweet, before leaving the living room to have a shower. Once again, Changkyun is left alone with a cuddly Hyungwon with no one helping him to escape.

(He's not going to admit that the closeness between them is giving him butterflies)

 

It takes an hour of merciless teasing from Kihyun, Minhyuk and Jooheon before Hyungwon starts to stir.  When Hyungwon finally opens his eye, he's greeted with a phone in his face (The result of Jooheon taking blackmail pictures), Hoseok eating ramen (surprise, surprise)on the floor next to the couch and Changkyun glaring.

"I hate you." Changkyun says to the elder, shifting a little so that Hyungwon can get a little more comfortable.

Hyungwon raises a brow, "Should I ask why?"

"Oh. Sleeping beauty is finally awake I see." Minhyuk grins at the duo on the couch, "You've been asleep for awhile."

"And been keeping Changkyun hostage." Jooheon says, "You hug him any tighter and I'm pretty sure you'll cut off his air supply"

Hyungwon wriggles a little on the couch. He pulls Changkyun gently, so that the maknae is fully lying down once more. Hyungwon snuggles into Changkyun's back. "The point?" Hyungwon asks, voice muffled by Changkyun's shirt.

"Don't kill him?"

"Hyung" Changkyun says, struggling- frustration clear on his face. "Let me go. I'm not your boyfriend pillow."

"But you sure act like one." Hoseok comments.

Changkyun glares down at him, "Do you want to fight?"

"Yah! Kkukkungi respect your hyungs!" Hyunwoo states, heading towards the kitchen for some food. The silent laughter is evident in his voice.

"Hyung!" Changkyun screeches, and everyone bursts into giggles and jest.

 

Hyungwon crowds closer towards Changkyun, whispering a "I'm never letting you go" into Changkyun's ear. A blush immediately sets upon Changkyun's face, and the rest of the members start teasing once more-lightly mocking on how pretty Changkyun looks with pink on his face.

And even though he shows annoyance and frustration, Changkyun knows that where he is right now, there is no other place he would rather be. In the midst of all these morons that he would one day kill (just watch him. They won't even see it coming, those jerks), he feels like he belongs, that he's loved. And all that sappy disney shit.

He smiles a little, in the middle of a one sided argument with Jooheon, prompting Hoseok to coo at his flushed, smiley face.

 

He doesn't regret allowing them into his world.

...

 

However, there are some days where all Changkyun wants to do is avoid sleeping all together.

 

Those days happen when they're busy too.

 

Changkyun can't really help it; the haunting remembrance of the rest room floor. Of **_his_** green eyes, darkened with lust and hints of guilt. Of the pleas of " _stop. No this is wrong. Get off of me. It hurts_ " that left Changkyun's lips but were kissed away by his attacker. Of-

"Changkyun?" someone's voice, floats in the quiet dorm room.

Changkyun looks towards the doorway, and there stands Hyunwoo; a look of concern painted on his face.

Changkyun blinks back tears, before replying "Yeah hyung?"

His eyes, slowly adjusting to the darkness, spots Hyunwoo sigh. "Could you come here? Into the living room?"

Changkyun nods, and climbs out of the bunk in order to follow the leader.

They both decide to sit on the floor; the couch too lumpy for them to even pretend it's okay for a decent chat in the middle of the night.

Hyunwoo stares at Changkyun for a moment- a sad smile dancing on his lips. "Still getting nightmares?" he asks gently.

Changkyun blinks, deciding to go into denial mode,  "What nightmares?"

Hyunwoo sighs once more, "Don't Changkyun. I'm the leader of this team; I'm more observant than you think."

Changkyun looks down at the ground in guilt, "I-I. Yeah. It's still happening."

Hyunwoo leans against the couch, "So why can't you tell us? We're your hyungs Changkyunie. Come to us with your problems"

"It's not like I don't trust any of you hyung. It's just that it's. It's...hard. Really, really hard"

There's silence for a second or so.

"But you can't do this all alone. Changkyun it hurts us, when we see you in pain. We love you, ok?"

"I know hyung. And I...love you guys too. But it's going to take me a while to open up I guess. I don't think I would be able to handle it if you all hated me after I tell you everything. Just give me time to mentally prepare myself."

"You know we won't judge you right?"

Changkyun goes silent.

"Maknae. You idiot. We love you. We're not going to hate you because of your past."

"You sure?"

"Yes. Of course we won't. We're family here, and you're our baby."

Changkyun scowls, "Shut it hyung. Or should I say appa?"

Hyunwoo groans, "Don't listen to Jooheon ok. I'm only a year older than Hoseok."

"But you act like a 40 year old, hyung" Changkyun teases.

"Shut it maknae or I'll make you do Kihyun's chores."

Changkyun laughs.

 

They continue to sit in silence for a while- both too comfortable to say anything more.

Changkyun moves to look at Hyunwoo properly when he notices it, in the gleam of the light.

"Hyunwoo hyung" This time it's Changkyun who speaks gently, "Why were you crying?"

The dried up tear tracks may look like nothing, but the slight red rimmed eyes, provides enough evidence onto the factor that Hyunwoo shed tears before he heard Changkyun.

"I" Hyunwoo starts, before looking at the ground, "I couldn't sleep"

"Why?"

Hyunwoo is silent.

Changkyun prods him, " Hyung this is really out of character from you...This must be big if you cried over it."

Hyunwoo takes a deep breathe. "Kihyun didn't sleep in our room today."

If Changkyun knew nothing about the current situation, had no context or anything, the single phrase that was uttered from Hyunwoo's mouth would confuse the shit out of him.

It's a damn good thing that Changkyun's observant as fuck.

"Is this about Minhyuk hyung?"

"Ye-Yeah."

Not really knowing what else to say, Changkyun hugs the elder attempting to be some type of comfort.  Hyunwoo clings on him loosely.

 

He's seen Hyunwoo avoid their resident sunshine and mum, recently. Ever since Minhyuk and Kihyun have been somewhat officially together,  Hyunwoo has been more uptight in practice, more noticeable in his discomfort. More robotic.

 

He watched Hyunwoo break, shatter and collapse, through the elder's eyes the second Minhyuk took off his shirt, and a purple hickey was resting on his collarbone, matching to the one Kihyun had on his neck (Something that the make up Noonas scolded Kihyun for).

 

He watched and said nothing. Helpless in the situation. But now, he whispers "sorry" in a mantra, in an effort to help Hyunwoo move on.

 

 ...

 

When it comes down to it, Changkyun regrets a lot of things within his short life on this earth.

 

He regrets that he didn't comfort Hyunwoo sooner, that he ignored the leader's heartbreak for a long time.

 

He regrets joining NO.MERCY without honestly know what it means- what it may put him through. What him joining the game so late, might do the rest of the competitors.

 

He regrets falling asleep on the couch, allowing Hyungwon to cuddle him without mercy. (Actually he doesn't really regret this...)

 

But most of all he regrets befriending **_him_** _._ He regrets reading his comic book on that day in their free time. He regrets their introduction. He regrets whatever he had done that made **_him_** fall in love with Changkyun.

 

However...

 ...all these regrets and mild hatred for himself, somehow brought him here. In Monsta x. Debuting with people who love him. Who care about him. And Changkyun loves and cares for them back. All the shit that he's done- his what he perceives to be bad decisions, has him landed in a place where he belongs in a family. Where he fits. Where he's adored.

 

Maybe all of mistakes were not actually mistakes at all. And instead of viewing all of his life decisions in hate and anger, maybe should start considering them all as stepping stones.

 

To get him to where he needs to be.

...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crappy? :0
> 
> Soo yeah. Next chapter is going to be the last one. BUT...  
> I'm making another story. It's going to be a (prequel? Sequel?) of this one and it is Showhyuk (kinda...sorta. You'll see) and it's a Shownu centric. It will be posted either on the same week as Chapter 5 or a week or two weeks after depending if I don't die from A level stress.  
> Additionally I'm also planning on making a multi chapter drabble like fic on MX and their relationship with three other groups (A virtual cookie for the first person who gets all three groups correct :) two clues is that none of the groups is seventeen and the second is that there is a person in one of the other idol groups that has a connection with MX and the other 2 ) The story would legit be about all four groups being a mess together (cause all of them are hyper shits). It's also in the making and i might not post it but yeah, i just thought you should all know that I'm considering it and would probably make it if all of you want it. 
> 
> Bye bye for now~ 
> 
> Thanks once again. Love you!


	5. Climax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was really those little moments, small touches and quick glances that make him feel whole.
> 
> That makes him feel complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy~

 

...

 

When it comes down to it, Changkyun knows that he’s loved.

It’s in the way Kihyun nags him to pick up his clothes from the bathroom floor, or calls him for dinner.

It’s in the way Minhyuk and Jooheon never leave him alone long enough for his smile to fade or when Hoseok and Hyunwoo tease him for being “An adorable maknae” every single day  without fail.

It’s in the way Hyungwon grins at him when they’re all alone, sitting in the living room couch and the only noise is the others’ breathing.

But all of this pales in comparison to the fact that since his last little night scare, _Changkyun has not slept alone_.

 

Changkyun doesn’t know what Hyunwoo said to the others, but ever since his weird and slightly heart-wrenching heart to heart with the leader, Changkyun has been waking up to another member cuddle to his side, and moaning about stolen covers.

Changkyun isn’t really sure what to make of it; doesn’t even know what to say other than “stop treating me like a baby” or “Get your octopus boyfriend off me, Kihyun hyung”.

 

He knows he should at least feel annoyed about this situation; it almost feels like they’re treating like he’s fragile. A broken glass, glued extremely hastily together, and they’re afraid of shattering it more.

 

But any other emotion other than happiness and bliss that stems from _this_ , falters and falls in Changkyun’s (poorly conceived) smiles.

 

...

 

Often times, Changkyun wakes up to either a skinny blonde male sometimes accompanied by a shorter male nestled in his side (Changkyun is slightly impressed that his bunk has space for two people and a Minhyuk-the latter having a tendency to fall asleep in a complex starfish position) or to a bear (their leader is surprisingly warm at night. Helpful considering how cold it is in Korea right now).

 

But sometimes Changkyun wakes up on the chest of a skinny, model-like male. Plump lips parted, air slowly breathed out and legs intertwined with Changkyun’s own.

These moments, never fail to make Changkyun’s heart skip several beats.

...

“Here.”

And a hot mug is shoved into the side of Changkyun’s face.

Changkyun flinches away, before glaring up at Jooheon, his eyes glinting playfully.

Changkyun takes the offering mug from the elders’ hands, and Jooheon sits next to him on the lumpy sofa, sighing in content.

It’s silent for awhile, as they both slowly drink their cooling hot chocolates, late on a November night.

 

The rest of their team is out either celebrating Kihyun’s birthday or practicing more for MAMA. Both Changkyun and Jooheon didn’t really want to join- too tired to celebrate (They already had a mini birthday celebration in the dorm earlier) and way to lazy to practice anything.

Changkyun notes how this is the first proper time since he joined Monsta x, that he’s completely alone with the other rapper.

It makes him a little nervous, still unsure on what Jooheon thinks of him.

 

The main rapper has never apologised (And in fairness both Hyunwoo and Hyungwon never properly did either), but there’s an air of acceptance that floats around Jooheon whenever he’s near the maknae.

Changkyun just hopes that he’s not imagining it.

 “I’m sorry.” Jooheon whispers after a while of no talking.

“For what hyung?” Changkyun answers back. They’re both not looking at the other-opting to stare blankly at the moving pictures on the TV screen.

“For everything really. I know...I know it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask to be picked, and there was nothing you can do. I was just bitter that Gunhee...”

“Didn’t get through?”

From the corner of his eye, Changkyun sees Jooheon nodding.

“He was my best friend. Is my best friend actually. It was just hard. ‘specially cause you came so late. It was like someone was mocking me. But it wasn’t fair to you. I took my anger out on you, and you didn’t deserve it. You worked hard to get to where you are now Changkyunie. Just like the rest of us. There is no justifiably reason onto why I treated you that way.”

“It’s ok hyung.” Changkyun sips on his hot chocolate, “I’m not mad.”

Jooheon turns to face him. Changkyun copies him, and they both just stare for a few seconds, no words leaving thier mouths, but communicating all the same.

“I love you.” Jooheon eventually states, “You’re like a kid brother.  You’re family you know?”

“I know” Changkyun smiles, “I think  you’re family too Honey hyung. And...I love you too. Even though you’re annoying sometimes.”

Jooheon scowls a little at him, before ruffling the maknae’s hair, “So are you.” The main rapper mutters, a grin painting his lips in a soft manner, _“So are you.”_

 

...

It’s notably tense in their dorm currently. And Changkyun has no idea on what to do.

He’s not sure on what happened, doesn’t know any of the details at all- but something has damaged-broken almost- in the relationship that is MinKi.

It’s not their first fight- no where near it actually- but there’s something different about this one. It’s in the way Minhyuk’s smiles are not quite reaching his eyes, or even in the way Kihyun has nagged them a lot less, in the past 3 days.

 

It’s clearly obvious that Hyungwon and Hoseok have taken sides- Hoseok is practically glued to Kihyun and Hyungwon hasn’t left Minhyuk for longer than an hour in the past two days.

He sees Hyungwon and Hoseok glaring at each other, but Changkyun is confused onto why. Or even why they were taking sides in the first place.

(Hoseok and Minhyuk seem to have a fairly good relationship and Hyungwon and Kihyun’s “spats” are normally started because Hyungwon left a dirty sock on the living room floor _again_. And yet they both seem to either favour with Minhyuk or Kihyun and ignoring the other.)

 

He asks Jooheon on the 2nd day of tension, and the elder mutters something about it having to do with NO. Mercy.

“It’s a problem that turned into another problem that turned into a bigger one. Honestly. I thought Hyungwon and Hoseok were over it- _they said_ they were. But clearly they’re not, and now look.”

“Why don’t I know about this?” Changkyun questions.

Jooheon smirks up at him, light and playful “It was before you came in Changkyunie.” He then looks back at his laptop, “Don’t worry. It’ll die down soon.”

Changkyun hopes it does.

 

On the third day, of tension, Changkyun decides to go and ask Minhyuk. He knows that they haven’t broken up (yet), but still he approaches Minhyuk during their break, curiosity and concern being his motivation.

 

“Er hyung?” Changkyun coughs. Minhyuk looks up at him, eyes gazing away from the shark game that Changkyun knows that Minhuk is obsessed with.

“What is it Changkyunie?” and the twist of his lips look sad.

“Are-are you ok?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“You don’t seem like it.”

“Oh.” Minhyuk’s eyes fall to the ground, “Don’t worry about me Kkukkungi, I’m fine.”

“But hyung.” Changkyun whines a little, “You’re clearly not.”

Minhyuk sighs, and looks up him once more. “Changkyun—“

“No listen hyung. You’ve taken so much care of me. And yeah everyone does, but you were the first. You were my first friend here hyung-of course I’m going to worry about you. You don’t have to tell me anything, but. Let me comfort you Minhyukie. The same way you did for me.”

Minhyuk stares at him for a while- no words uttered. And then all of a sudden, the blonde laughs, loud and genuine, causing a grin to flutter onto the maknaes lips.

Minhyuk pulls the shorter boy down to the ground where he sits, before hugging him tight.

“Has anyone ever told you, that you’re cute Changkunie?”

“Yes. You. And everyone else that we live with.”

Minhyuk chuckles, “Yeah ok.”

Changkyun only sighs in response, letting the hug last longer before pulling away. 

...

When they go back to Hong Kong for MAMA, the tense atmosphere is gone- evaporates into thin away paralleling to the way a magician makes a bunny disappear.

He’s not sure on how or even why though, but he doesn’t question it.

Hyunwoo looks slightly off however, but Chankyun’s lost on what to say, on what to do to make the leader feel better.

 

(Changkyun wants Minhyuk and Kihyun to be happy.

 

But he also wants Hyunwoo to be happy too).

 

However, all feelings of anything really gets lost after their performance with Seventeen in MAMA. It gives way to elation when they receive their award.   _Next Generation Artist award_ (It might not be best rookies, but it’s still something. It still shows that they are appreciated and loved by Monbébé’s).

It falls into awe-ness the second Big Bang and Psy tell them to join the picture they are taking.

Surprise numbs his bones, but he still kneels down next to Hyungwon, in front of Seungri and Taeyang (and what the fuck. No really, _what the fuck_?) And poses; smile stretching adorably around his face.

 

Other than the bows, Big Bang doesn’t really say anything to them, not until after the third round of pictures taken in BB’s dressing room.

“You guys were good.” Jiyong states, smiling at the seven of them.

“A-ah thank you sunbaemin” Jooheon shutters out. Both Seungri and Daesung chuckle, while Seunghyun (the big one), rubs the back of his neck in an awkward manner, that reminds Changkyun of Hyunwoo.

“A little word of advice” Youngbae says, as Monsta x start to leave, “Cherish each other. Lean on each other when things get tough. ‘Cause in the end, It’s only going to be yourselves and your fans, fighting for you”

“You’re all stuck with each other.” Jiyong finishes and it’s a statement.

 

G-dragon’s words echo inside Changkyun’s mind for hours later. He stares at the ceiling in the dark hotel room, their manager’s snores vibrating against the walls.

He toys with the weird friendship bracelet that Hoseok gave to him and the rest of them earlier-his fingers running against the beads around his wrist. Changkyun allows for a grin to overtake his face.

_‘Yeah.’_ The maknae thinks, ‘ _we really are’_

 And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

...

Changkyun still gets nightmares. Some extremely bad ones. Some not so.

 

They never really go away. Not for a long period of time.  But Changkyun is somewhat ok with that.

Not all of his nightmares involve **_him_** now. Actually a good 40% of them do, which is significantly better to when _all_ of his nightmares was centred on his attacker.

Heck, he doesn’t get nightmares all the time either; the amount of times he’s woken up crying have reduced to at least once every 4 weeks, and though it’s not perfect, it’s still _something._

 Changkyun will take what he can get.

 

...

He’s not sure on how they did, but they did. And somehow, with a period of just a couple of months, Monsta x, have somehow wormed their way into Changkyun’s life.

(He can’t really see his life away from them now. They’re family, and he loves them. That’s the most important factor)

 

(He hasn’t fully forgiven **_him_** yet. But, Changkyun is on his way. Without his attacker’s conduct- without the shit **_he_** put Changkyun through, Changkyun would have never of met the people who are so incredibly dear to him).

 

Every touch from them, every quick look of concern, makes Changkyun feel at ease and blissful.

It was really those little moments, small touches and quick glances that make him feel whole.

That makes him feel complete.

 

...

**_ fin _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done. Finito. Over.  
> Wow, ok.  
> first off, thanks. To all the comments and the kudos and the hits (though you can't see it...) and just the everything. This was my first fanfic on MX and even my first fic on AO3 (i have a fanficton account) and i just..yeah. I'm really grateful. Thanks for loving this~
> 
> so i left some things a little hazy. Yeah ;w; . The relationships of MX will be explained in further stories and hopefully questions that you may have will be answered there ( The Hyunwoo centic for this series is out! read it if you want~~) 
> 
> Lastly well. I Love you.  
> Thank you once again  
> Bye~

**Author's Note:**

> 'Kkukkungi', for those of you who don't know is I.M's legit nickname (which I find hilarious).  
> An additional fact, Wonho was also the one who gave I.M that nickname (I.M mentioned it, when MX was on Today's Room)  
> :)


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